Understanding our core natures can help us make the best of ourselves and develop relationships which get the best out of others. Focussing on your positive qualities and attributes, and how you might be over-using them, can promote personal growth and development that will be recognised and appreciated by family, friends, and employers alike. The consequences of doing work on ourselves, and optimising our positive qualities, is that others appreciate and respect us more and want to give of their best to us.
Jim Rohn, one of the most successful entrepreneurs of his generation said ‘if you work hard on your job, you can make a living, but if you work hard on yourself, you can make a fortune.
How to care for introverts and extroverts
So, if you feel you’ve come to a crossroads in your career, got stuck under a glass ceiling, can’t quite get that promotion, have anyone in your work, family or friends that you just can’t seem to click with (and its important that you do), or you’re generally keen on optimising yourself and your potential you may contact Annette on 07931 333679 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
In the synchronistic way that things often happen it has come to my attention recently that when one gets to ‘a certain age’ one is sometimes challenged by meeting, living with, caring for or in other ways needing to relate to someone with dementia.
About 18 months ago I had occasion to need some help with a relative and found a wonderful book by Bernie McCarthy, “Hearing the Person with Dementia – A Person-Centred Approach to Communication for Families and Caregivers”.
If you find yourself in this position I can strongly recommend this book; it is full of useful, enlightening information about how the brain works, or not, in the person with dementia. Bernie’s talks about what to expect in terms of behaviour and mental health states, and how to deal with that as and when it arises. Also, about how to respect the person with dementia when it comes to more practical self-care tasks like bathing and toileting. There is also lots of self-help advice and tips about caring for the carer (you!), finding and valuing your limitations, and working within them for your own sake and that of other family members and friends.
I hope you find the book as useful as I did.
The more I work at counselling people, and supervising other counsellors, the more I am passionate about getting the message across about the importance of attitude; not just attitude to others but attitude to self. It is our attitude to ourselves that we are likely to project onto others; if we believe ourselves to be useless, or boring, then we are going to expect that other people will have ‘noticed’ that, and we will expect unfavourable treatment from them accordingly. We then have to behave in yams that either defend ourselves from perceived, or expected, attack, or we behave in ways that over-compensate and end up people-pleasing in an (often) vain attempt at impressing others, or at least avoiding what we believe will be their disparaging remarks. Talking things over over with a therapist can help us explore our self-limiting beliefs and lead to insights that help live a more fulfilling and joyful life.
I have a number of clients who seek me out because they feel like failures; they don’t have all the things they believe they ‘should’ have by a certain age. I like John Ortberg’s quote on this subject:
“Failure is not an event, but rather a judgement about an event. Failure is not something that happens to us, or a label we attach to things. It is a way we think about outcomes.
Failure is an indispensable, irreplaceable part of learning and growth. Here is the principle involved: Failure does not shape you; the way you respond to failure shapes you”.
It is that response to failure, or perceived failure, that clients can work through in therapy.
Welcome to my blog. People often ask me what I do, and, when they get my answer, assume that it must be a very distressing job. I love my work because I get to be someone who sees how people change, become more confident, develop self-esteem and resolve difficult and painful problems or situations in their lives, or come to terms with significant loss. I always feel excited and immensely privileged to be a part of that, so, no, I don’t find my work distressing, even as I empathise and feel with those who are struggling to find their way out of distressing situations.
I set up this blog so I can keep people informed about what is going on in the world of personal therapy and self development. I aim to share insights without disclosing confidences, to share new information, strategies and maybe even techniques for combating difficult people and situations.
I invite you to share too, if you have questions, experiences and strategies that have helped you move forward in your life. I will offer book reviews, a synopsis or two about recent articles in relevant press and journals. If there is anything else you would like to see here please feel free to ask. I, and I’m sure others, would love to hear from you.